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October 02 SmilesSometimes, i think watching others smile offers greater joy than being the one smiling. September 29 FriendsWas having a msn convo with mogu just now, and she commented that she told dulong about how she came to know me.
That i was her longest known and still kept in close contact friend, really gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling.
Haha yeah we have sort of grown up tog, witnessed changes in each other, but nevertheless still remain close at heart.
We've grown close to others, perhaps closer to others than to each other, but the best thing is our friendship never ceases.
To me, real friendship can never be lost, for if it can, then perhaps the two were never true friends in the very first place.
They were rather just two ppl who cross paths due to chances in life, but move on when the chances are not there anymore.
True friends cross paths because of the chances in life, move on, but will always retrace their steps to find each other.
The feeling of how u can pick up from wherever u left during the last conversation, the real distance in life is never that important.
I am really glad to have such friends, people u know who will never leave no matter when and where (:
August 30 random thoughtsto say the truth, i have never experienced any major setbacks till date.
perhaps cause i've never tried hard enough to experience any.
i was always in my comfort zone, sheltered area, satisifed.
so now tt i've tried and failed, im still not used to the feeling yet. perhaps cause it's all too new to me.
it makes me reflect and question my capabalities. not tt they are any major setbks either.
was it beacuse i was not capabale or tt others are too capable?
it does make a difference to me.
but at least like i've said, it's better to have tried and regret, than to not have tried and regret.
yes, at least i have tried. and so i can move on.
anw, i think swimming alone is very much like eating alone.
haha cause i like to eat and i love the water, alone or otherwise, i always find much pleasure in them(:
July 26 holidays=Dhave been slacking around for quite a lot these days. and just when i have adapted to this slow-pace lifestyle, school is restarting again soon! i used to be envious of those working and was uneasy about the fact that i was pretty much lazing around. everyone appears to be bz and working, which is the norm. being me, i didnt like the idea of not being within the norm. haha, but now im pretty much accustomed to this slow-pace life, and im still liking it! tuiton on 135 helps me to be of some usefulness, and the rest of the days are either occupied by outings or just staying at home. the new harry potter movie rekindled my interest in the series so i have just finished reading the last book again! it's the only series that can have me glued to it from morning till night =D and im now looking for new piano scores online too. perhaps due to the absence of a working printer at home for ages, i have never tried to look for piano scores online. and so it just occured to me that i should do it now! my piano is collecting quite a bit of dust alrd and i finally have a working printer at home. hopefully it can stay this way for long! technology and me kinda repel each other! and i discovered a great site online tt can download quite many lovely piano scores! pretty excited to learn them after printing them out. yupps and im now building those wooden 3D puzzles again^^ yupps to sum it up, im now leading a rather routined and slack life! i like routines and slow-pace suites me fine, so everything pretty good for now.
hmm. suddenly reminded of the what's my passion question during the interview. i've gave a rather feeble and weak answer then, perhaps cause i did not answer from my heart then. i guess the most truthful answer is that i dont have one. sometimes, i think the line between passion and talent is rather blurred. it appears to me that those with passion equates to exceling in it. probably cause they put their heart and soul, and devote lots of time in it. no, i dont have a passion in my life, yet. only interests at the most for now. i like to play the piano, but i never even pass grade 2 exam. i like to swim, but i only know the breaststroke. i like learning different languages, but i s/u-ed my korean because i never studied in it! perhaps tt's why i was stumped by the question during interviw. my interests have never been too good to be labelled as passion. but how? this is just who i am, so let's move on.
this space is filled with entries that are low-spirited, cause i usually write only when im unhappy. so hopefully this entry can brighten it up a bit!
let's enjoy the rest of the hols! cause this will be my last longest hols till i retire or when im unemployed! oh. this sounds pathetic. i should strike it out.
haha! cheers! July 01 -长大后, 渐渐发觉还是家的感觉最好.
因为长大后, 待人处事往往都需要技巧.
我不擅长, 也许因为EQ 不太好.
但我也不懂得拒绝, 也许是不懂的如何处理拒绝后的场面.
也许是不想打破长年来所塑造的nice的形象.
所以, 别人对我的comments,总是如"很nice", "很随和" 等等.
好听是随和, 但更正确的应该是没性格.
有人说过,我没否认.
不喜欢, 我可能会说还可以.
不开心, 我可能还是笑着度过.
不要是要, 要是不要, 有时还真是傻傻分不清.
唯有在家, 我才能做回最真实的自己.
也许是卸下防戒心吧.
nice或不nice, 我懂我会通通被包容.
对他们来说, 我就是我, 不需要任何理由. May 23 silent nightsilent night, except for the radio music in the background.
actually i on the radio just to soften the deafening silence, which can be rather eerie at night.
went out with meng in the afternoon to catch up and we both had good buys at the end of the day(:
i realised when i went out shopping with my friends, it's basically just chatting while walking aimlessly ard.
sometimes, we dont even enter any shops. to say the truth, im really not a shopping person.
i will usually go check on a thing for a few times, make sure tt it can make me like it everytime i went, before i finally decided to buy.
perhaps cause im not a love at first sight, but rather a ri jiu sheng qing person? haha.
yeah anw we end up sitting in front of the high-end, expensive looking perfume shop to chat(:
i didn't know tt it a promotional technique to spray perfume into the air to attract unknowing customers! but i must say it's a rather effective mtd! customers came streaming in after a few sprays at the entrance of the shop!
anw we chatted a lot, of how life is now and also the future.
i think my life now, and i dont need to be a fortune teller to know tt my working life in another few years to be is anything but happening.
haha a little secret of mine, sometimes i feel a bit down and empty after reading others' blogs.
their lives are so colourful that it makes mine paled in comparison. void of the dreams, talents, events.
no i shoulden't say it is void, just tt my dreams dont seem big as theirs, my talents dont seem as brilliant as theirs, and my events, daily mundane ones, are definitely not as happening as theirs.
so sometimes..
perhaps, it's due to the silent night now.
May 13 -im currently reading corner shop by Roopa Farooki, whiling away the last 30 minutes of my 19th. it's been some times since i read books other than those that were forcefully thrust to me in my first year of accountancy. No, i don't dislike my course, i just dont like the way we are forced to read the textbook; scrutinising the text for all the various concepts, the leisure and pleasure of reading just simply evaporates. Throw me a text and a bed to snuggle in, it's more effective than any sleep-inducing drug. just finished reading angels and demon, i prefer it to the davinci code. the book was exciting and it amazes me even more when i flipped to "The Facts" page after reading the book. it intrigues me in the the way he created fiction from facts.
...
I think as I get older, the excitement of birthday reduces over the years. I still remember when i was young, i used to count down excitedly to my brithday, weeks before the actual day. Haha now i realises it only when other people reminded me.
13 yr old cousin: Heys Happie 20th bdae! twenty. haha
Me: Thanx a lot!
13 yr old cousin: welcome. twenty is old.
Me: I know that -.-
13 yr old cousin: Glad you know. but still, Happy birthday!
yeah i agree, 20 sounds a big difference from 19. 25 sounds older and at 30, i think ppl will start calling me aunty. not the truth though, cos even now, my neighbour's kid always calls me aunty even though her grandma always try toemphasis tt it is jiejie. and kids are suppose to be those that dont tell lies, aren't they?
yep my birthday was v normal. went to have a swim w xinyi in the morn, lunched at delifrance before heading for tuition. made sushi after that, before heading home for dinner. so this basically sums up the day. yet at the end of the day i still dont feel any difference from ytd when i was still sweet 19.
u don't call it sweet 20 anymore isn't it?
April 19 exams ramblingI think there's a serious agency problem between me and my brain. Being RAM, it just cant make the law facts stay permanent in my brain.
i've been depriving it of the necessary entertainment and rest.
do i owe it a duty of care?
i think it must be due to stress. haha. March 25 silent nighttoday was a pathetic day. even though it sounds romantic to walk in the rain, well at least not when its raining cats and dogs and there's an umbrella over ur head. imagine racing across the street with slippers that continously lag behind ur steps, meaning running fwd 3 steps and jogging back 2 steps to retrieve the slippers. well its an exaggeration, but tt's basically what happened in the middle of the road junction. well, at least there's no car that was crashing ard. basically i've given up running in the end, cos what the diff btw drenched and drenched. sigh, i dont want to whine but it's getting really tiring these days. all the projects tutorials and tests just keep piling up. especially IT project. well, if there's any epiphany from IT, it must be tt i finally realised and cfm my dislike towards it. i really dont see the link btw IT and accounting?! anw thought i always complain bout tuition, i do feel a sense of satisfication when i help them to understand an alient theory/concept.
perhaps it's the streak of stubborness in me tt make me hate to lose to myself. or perhaps tt's the only goal tt i try so hard to clinge on, only to prove tt i have one. yupps okie bk to reality, 아 자! December 31 2008 to 2009I think that 2008 has been a rather fufilling and fruitful year! I have had many new experiences(:
1. I made a last min decision in just one day to fly to U.S on my own
2. I toured many new states in the U.S, : Maryland, Vermont, Arizona, San Diego, Las Vegas. Virginia, Washinton D.C
3. I went to Canada, and experience the most freezing temperature of -14 degrees, and snowsqualls too!
4. I learnt skiing!
5. I went to work for first time at stelop! not considering previous temp work, cos this the first time i went to look for one on my own.
6. I went Hong Kong with my relatives(:
7. I went thailand admist the chaos, on the day the airport reopened!
8. I've just completed my first sem at NTU accountancy! The results are not fantastic but satisfactory. will try my best for the even more gruelling sem 2!
I love travelling and i really did travel a lot this year(: 2008 has definitely been a great year of new experiences and fond memories!
I guess 2009 will be back to a more expected one of studying.. But still, i have some new year resolutions tt i hope to fufil.
For one, I hope to be able to conquer my fears and any difficulty that comes along!
Goodbye 2008! <3 December 15 thailand
22摄氏度.
我伸出手, 把冷气转小
拉开窗帘, 望出车窗外, 刺眼的阳光洒满车内.
32摄氏度.
川流不息的车辆在路上奔驰着.
绿灯, 黄灯,
红灯.
小女孩赤着双脚, 矫小的身影在车辆中穿越着.
她手里握着一块肮脏破烂的抹布, 走到一辆轿车旁, 不加思索便开始抹窗.
我不记得她是否踮着脚来抹窗.
当她完成任务. 顿了一下, 似乎等待着预料中无声的拒绝.
她再一次走向另一辆轿车, 再一次重复同样的的任务.
绿灯,
小女孩加快脚步走向行人道.
一阵喇叭声划破了午后的宁静, 接着又是一阵刺耳的刹车声,
女孩抬起头, 眼神带着稍微的歉意, 似乎自己的存在那路上是种打扰.
她匆忙地跑向安全的人行道.
那里站这另外两名小男孩.
原来她并不是唯一个在那路上讨乞的小孩.
绿灯,
车晃了晃, 便缓缓驶去.
有些人相信命运掌握在自己的手里,
但对于某些人来说,命运只不过是一种枷锁.
因为无力抵抗, 只好默默随从 .
十年后的那女孩会是什么样呢?
红灯. November 12 friendsfor some reasons, i really do miss them a lot today.
perhaps due to the rather long chat w jolene today,
the sms-es with meng
or the short phone call w liyou
we will be meeting soon(:
i dont say -friend always- unless i really meant it
friend always<3
November 02 random thoughtsChance upon a video that features a last lecture made by a dying man.
it was inspirational and the ending was especially touching.
it made me thought about death?
if i were to cease to exist now, what will i bring away w me? what are the things tt i've achieved?
sadly till now, my achievements are nothing except for the pieces of paper tt we work so hard for year after year. but i believe those A, B, Cs definitely dont sum up my life.
for now, everything seems lyk an endless chase after a destination of unknown.
a chase to fufil responsibilitie to others, as well as to myself. an unspoken yet mandotory rule to work hard.
though the destination is unknown, i believe that unknown is not equal to .
that someday, i will fly high w my dreams too, when my heart and mind will work in tandem, to a destination i truly belongs.
September 19 -are u looking fwd to ur bdae party tmr?
im trying very hard to forget it. so tt i can have a surprise tmr!
my tutee is so cute <3 August 07 fresh startlect, tut, seminars- sch starting once agn, just tt it involves perhaps project workx100
all the tut involve presentations, debates, discussions and more discussions.
to say the truth, i never really enjoyed pw, so i wonder how im gg to make myself love acc, or at the least not to dislike it.
i believe no one chose acc due to any burning passion or calling. Similarly. i chose it without loving or hating it initally. just neutral.
but i really hope it will be towards a positive scale, and my feelings towards it wont turn downscale.
its scary to live without any aspirations or dreams, and i truly admire those who are able to fly high with their dreams.
i once thought tt ambition and dreams are non-overlapping, ambition is just a tool to realise my dream, or so i assume.
but its a scary thought to realise tt the tool tt i chose mb sth tt is totally not suitable for me, a tool not within my grasp and control.
if that's the case, what will become of me?
But life dont allows turning back, and i can only look straight ahead.
make the best out of of the decision i've made. its bad to regret, its worse to regret over the same thing twice.
even if its a wrong choice, i'll make it right.
uni life scares me a little, or perhaps its the loneliness tt does.
with everyone tt i know in grp A, i feel rather out of place during lect.
and i'll be reminded of the times when the 6 of us went for lect tog, lunch, chats, copy tuts and what's not.
in sec sch, when we were in diff cls, we still get to hang tog during recess.
and due to ip, i still can see my friends everyday in jc.
but now, everyone is so spreaded across spore, fr nus to smu to ntu. and i hardly even meet those in ntu. i dont lyk adapting to new environment. or perhaps i never learnt to do so.
because they were always there, i knew tt i cld always fall bk on them.
but now they are not and will not for the nxt three years.
perhaps it's time for me to be more independent.
getting familiar with the unfamiliarity is not the best option.
but i know i will get to at least tt.
July 17 memories
time really flies and half a yr has alrd passed. well, the basic silhouette of my life in the nxt few yrs is alrd more or less defined. i will probably grad in accountancy and went on to work as auditior with the ever-so-many deadlines to meet. 我不是最好的, 但我是认真的. hahax read this fr meng's blog before and i have remembered it ever since. perhaps because it echoed in my life too. looking bk, i cant really say i adpat well to jc, but it has no doubt left pleasant memories with me. i will rememeber our secluded corner, the six of us and our nai-cha. we were really loyal customers then. our endless talks at the tables, with gossips once in a while to juiced up the conversations. xinyu's bubbly nature never failed to lightened the atmospere(: she's a natural talent in tt. the i-magazines tt were always sponsered by jolene. its amazing how she always never need to eat during lunch! hahax, and how yuting started the apple-strudel trend among us. our copying of numerous tutorials, practicals and mugging, still at our favourite secluded corner. remedials. Sadly, yet proudly, i was a permant citizen of bio remedial. hehs, and its still almost the six of us in it. talk about unity. pe lesson, and its the first time i know i have a sickly look, perhaps in Mr Lee eyes. Never failed to amuse me when he aksed me to go aside to rest as though i was sick, when in actual fact i was not. hehs and the times yihui and i always kid about how someone was our idol for pe. lessons! yupps and outside sch, i will remember fondly the times when me, sis( for the first yr) and jo will go to feiyue tog(: we always make it a pt to go to the choa chu kang shopping centre to slack a while before gg feiyue! act its more of snacking den slacking(: yupps, and there were the times that i would stay back in sch with either liyou or meng and chat heart-to-heart. usually still accompanied by our fav nai-cha. i particularly remember the time when liyou and I were sitting at the table nearest to the outside, with the slight drizzle tt was coming down. and the time when meng and i went hm, but decided to go bk to the secluded corner for a cup of nai-cha. im really so gonna miss meng nxt yr! hahax. really glad tt liyou and i will still be in the same course and uni. who knows? we may really walk bk to ny tog in 2014! lep lessons, they were actually memorable. to say the truth, i probably enjoyed revising cll the most. lectures sound so far away fr now, me always borrowing highlighters from ting. academic aside, i will miss the moqi jolene and i have for gg out tog. it was always the easiest to go out w jo. just a random sms, and we could meet up easily to shop or lunch tog. crystal jade! hehs. its really a pity that we cannot become roommates, i can easily imagine the fun we will have tog! but yeah u can always still be my shopping partner! i guess it is all these mundane habits and routines that i will miss the most as i step into next phase of life. im fearful of the unknown, but i also know tt as long as im willing to throw myself in, everything will eventually fall into place. fond memories tt we share. but this will not be the end...
June 27 -生命的脆弱, 变幻莫测其实真的很可怕.
前一刻轻而易举的平乏, 下一刻可能已成为遥远的回忆.
前一刻所见到的微笑, 下一刻却已化为无限的泪水以悲痛.
若如此轻易,毫不留情地夺取掉,
那当初又为何要安排这短暂的逗留?
在毫无预备, 在理想都还没实现的情况下,就被迫离开,
这样的人生还有意义吗?
若一切是命中注定, 又意味着什么? 可悲.
他们的悲痛我只能想象.
希望时间能安抚心中的遗憾已悲痛.
也许我们都应该学习眼前所谓的平凡, 并非理所当然.
June 26 下一个天亮郭静 -下一个天亮
曲:陈小霞 词:姚若龙
制作：陈俊廷
编曲：洪敬尧/谢明祥 用起伏的背影 挡住哭泣的心
有些故事 不必说给 每个人听 许多眼睛 看的太浅太近 错过我没被看见 那个自己 用简单的言语 解开超载的心
有些情绪 是该说给 懂的人听 你的热泪 比我激动怜惜 我发誓要更努力 更有勇气 等下一个天亮 去上次牵手赏花那里散步好吗
有些积雪会自己融化 你的肩膀是我豁达的天堂 等下一个天亮 把偷拍我看海的照片送我好吗
我喜欢我飞舞的头发 和飘着雨还是眺望的眼光 用简单的言语 解开超载的心
有些情绪 是该说给 懂的人听 你的热泪 比我激动怜惜 我发誓要更努力 更有勇气 等下一个天亮 去上次牵手赏花那里散步好吗
有些积雪会自己融化 你的肩膀是我豁达的天堂 等下一个天亮 把偷拍我看海的照片送我好吗
我喜欢我飞舞的头发 和飘着雨还是眺望的眼光 时间可以磨去我的棱角
有些坚持却永远磨不掉 请容许我 小小的骄傲 因为有你这样的依靠 等下一个天亮 去上次牵手赏花那里散步好吗 有些积雪会自己融化 你的肩膀是我豁达的天堂 等下一个天亮 把偷拍我看海的照片送我好吗 我喜欢我飞舞的头发 和飘着雨还是眺望的眼光 |
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